


You Have Come to Show You Go On

by thepoetsdream



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Titanic Fusion, Angst, Falling In Love, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, RMS Titanic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:35:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29277816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepoetsdream/pseuds/thepoetsdream
Summary: A Merthur Titanic AU! In 1912, Arthur, engaged to a daughter of his father's unknown business associate, finds himself aboard the RMS Titanic as he travels to New York, leaving his life and everything he has ever known behind. While aboard the ship, he meets Merlin, a traveling artist who teaches Arthur how to love.
Relationships: Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. Arthur

**Author's Note:**

> Hi-Thanks for taking the time to read this fic! As in the movie Titanic, general content/trigger warnings apply for suicide, major character death, violence, and tragedy in general. This first chapter will also deal with homophobia and abuse/violence and there will be mentions of alcohol.

Arthur watched as the flurry of people rushing to wave goodbye to loved ones frantically reached forward one last time before the boat took off. There were hundreds, crowded on the small port, desperately clawing through the crowd to see a final glance of a familiar face as the boat blared its horn in a final goodbye. Refusing to let himself look for the one hand he furiously wished to see, Arthur instead focused his attention on his own hands, bright white from the grip he held on the railing in front of them. 

He felt his father behind him, latching onto both his and his sister’s arms as the boat lurched backward, propelling them into the hazy gray water. He felt himself stiffen as the reality of the whole situation finally struck: Arthur Pendragon was currently traveling across the Atlantic Ocean with his father and sister to New York where he was to marry Vivian, the daughter of an American associate of his father. Despite Arthur’s angry protestations, Uther had shut down all arguments against the engagement, as the marriage would unite the families further and essentially guarantee a relationship between the two companies now poised for a successful partnership. Although left unsaid, Arthur knew the bigger reason as to why his father had arranged the marriage and felt shame bloom in his chest at the thought.

As the now minuscule people on the shore disappeared from view, Arthur felt his father shift beside him and glanced to make eye contact. “This will be good for you,” Uther stated, resting his hand on Arthur’s shoulder, glancing at Morgana who was pointedly still staring at the now absent shoreline. Flushing further at what he knew to be a hidden insinuation in his father’s words, Arthur nodded before following his sister’s gaze back to the endless fog surrounding them. Arthur felt Uther’s grip slip from him as his father cleared his throat. “Dinner is in an hour and a half,” he said, pulling a tarnished pocket watch out and flicking it open. “I expect to see you both in the dining room at that time. Your luggage should be in your suite, Morgana, if you need to change,” he added, before turning away and leaving the two alone. 

As soon as Uther was out of sight, Morgana whipped around to Arthur, pulling him closer to avoid shouting over the roar of general excitement on the deck and the loud crashes of the waves beneath them. “He’s wrong, you know,” she said simply, hooking their arms together. Arthur froze, looking around to see if anyone could hear their conversation before Morgana regained his attention with a sharp prod to his side with her elbow. “He’s not doing this to help you. He’s doing this to help himself and so that his business doesn’t face any backlash. Don’t forget that he has never had your well-being in mind,” she stated, anger radiating through her voice as she pecked a quick kiss onto Arthur’s cheek before letting him go with a hurried “I’ll see you at dinner.” 

Arthur let out a shaky huff, leaning over the rail as he remembered the screaming argument Morgana had been drawn into less than a month ago that had rattled their house. While she could have easily taken his father’s side and avoided some of his misplaced anger, she had stood in front of Arthur, physically shielding him while Uther spat hatred and promises of disownment. The pure disgust and loathing dripping from Uther’s voice hadn’t frightened her away, and the gentle way she had washed and bandaged the small cuts left in an unbridled rage had mocked the brutality in Uther’s reaction.

He bit back a wince as he thought of the late night in the office that had caused this whole affair. It started with Arthur settling in for a late-night of finishing up a pitch for an important client with his friend and then sales partner, Lancelot. What had initially promised to be another boring evening of work at his father's company had ended in threats and shattered glasses thrown in anger against an unsuspecting wall. Lancelot, who had been working long hours for his father for several months beside Arthur, had taken one look at the drafted project before them before producing a shiny and embossed flask. A wink accompanied by a knowing finger pressed to Arthur’s lips was all it took before the boys had split the bitter whiskey inside, draining the harsh liquid between sputtered coughs. It hadn’t taken long before the alcohol kicked in and Arthur found himself chuckling heartily as Lancelot hummed and danced around the room, not bothering to keep their voices hushed as they were certain they were the only two left in the building at this hour. A poorly placed desk had Lancelot stumbling forward, falling gracelessly across Arthur’s lap as the two broke into even louder laughs **.** Arthur stared into Lancelot’s broad smile, noticing its bright reflection in his kind eyes; he had never studied Lancelot’s face this closely. He watched in shock and hidden delight as Lancelot moved his face from Arthur's thigh to a few inches from the blonde's mouth. As if in slow motion, the two brought their lips together, cautiously at first before deepening the kiss, Lancelot shifting slowly so he was fully upright in Arthur’s lap.

For the rest of his life, Arthur would never forget the angry voice that had pierced through the otherwise silent office. The roaring fury was evident in his father’s voice, as the shouted “what is the meaning of this?” echoed prominently throughout the room. Never had Arthur moved faster, shoving Lancelot off of him and standing straight up. 

Arthur centered himself back on the boat, refusing to remember how the dim candlelight had made Lancelot’s warm eyes sparkle, how the weight of his head on his lap had felt warm and comforting, how, before his father had walked in, his heart had fluttered in his chest as everything, for once, had felt right. The cold ocean air dampened the warmth that threatened to sneak its way into his chest, as Arthur remembered why he was on the boat. He would be in New York in a week from now, with a brand new bride he had never met in less than three; he could no longer afford to think these thoughts. Resolutely, Arthur squared his shoulders and, affording the vanished English shore one final glance, released his vice-like grip on the railing. New York was a new chance for him, and he wouldn’t disappoint his father again. He followed the path Morgana had taken a few minutes earlier, tracing her steps as he went to join her in getting ready for dinner.


	2. Merlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Welcome back-- this chapter doesn't have any specific content warnings aside from mentions of food, but the general content warnings for the fic do still apply! Leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed this :)

Merlin laughed as he and Gwen ran through the crowded port, dodging flailing arms and bodies as they clambered to reach the ship. Their newly won tickets clutched firmly in Merlin’s left hand fluttered in the breeze, while Gwen’s hand snuck its way into Merlin’s right to keep up with him amidst the throng of people. They ducked under a crumbling piece of wood, and Merlin forced them to speed up.

In what normally would have been a blisteringly dreary day, the excitement was thick in the air as hundreds crowded in the small gathering space to see family and friends off to America. The shouts and cries of excitement rang clearly through the chilly air.

“Hurry,” Merlin shouted over the deafening roar, adrenaline rushing through his veins as they ran towards the crew member shouting a booming “last call” to the gathered crowd. Panting and heaving, the pair reached the dock as the worker was closing the door. 

“Wait!” Merlin called, causing the worker to spin back around, “We’re passengers,” he announced, still working to catch his breath. The man regarded Gwen and Merlin, both continuously gasping for air, clinging onto the crumpled tickets in one hand. 

“Have you gone through the inspection queue?” The worker asked, already reaching for the tickets without an answer.

Merlin grinned, handing over the two pieces of paper that held his new life. “Of course,” he lied, squeezing Gwen’s hand which was still clutched to his, signaling to her to follow his lead. The man gave them both another once-over, Merlin feeling his heart speed up as the man glanced back down at the tickets Merlin handed over. After a few seconds of consideration, the worker pushed the door back open all the way and held his hand out to help the two over the small gap between the dock and the water. 

“Right,” he instructed, pulling the two into the crowded entryway, “Welcome aboard the Ship of Dreams.” 

******************************

Merlin wasted no time in pulling Gwen through the meandering passageways of the ship. 

“Slow down,” Gwen shouted, laughing at the absurdity of the situation. Ten minutes ago the two had been poised to lose nearly all of their combined savings through a poorly played game of poker. Now here they were, just one short week away from a new life in America. 

The two gasped as they stepped foot onto the upper deck, immediately overcome with fresh, salty air. Merlin continued pulling her until they reached a small space on the railing, granting them a view of the crowd gathered to wave their goodbyes to the ship. Merlin’s eyes roved over the scene, trying to take in every face, every cheering smile in the bleary London port. 

“Bye,” he shouted, leaning far over the railing to wave his hand at the crowd gathered behind them, growing further and further away with each second. 

“Who are you waving to?” Gwen asked, still giggling, but reaching over with Merlin to wave as well. 

“Merlin,” he announced after a second, watching the people on the deck around them began to disperse as the crowd grew further and further away. “We’re going to be new people in just a week. We’ll finally be able to sell some art in America, and I’ll buy us a house this time.” Merlin promised, watching as the last winks of the shore disappeared from view.

Gwen was silent for a moment before speaking up. “It better have two bedrooms,” she commented, finally stepping down from the railing and back onto the solid deck. “I’m tired of you stealing the blankets.” 

Merlin barked out a laugh, finally tearing his eyes away from the grey skyline surrounding them. “Milady,” he said, stepping down from the rail into a mock bow, voice taking on a thick English accent, “you shall have as many bedrooms as you’d like,” he teased, before standing back up. “Just you wait,” he declared, voice serious as he again grabbed Gwen’s hand and started pulling her forward, with none of the dizzying energy that had accompanied the pair earlier, “we’ll have enough bedrooms to house an entire city block, and our kitchen will always be stocked to the brim with food. _Real_ food,” he corrected, leading Gwen back down to the lower decks where their room was located, “like meats, cheese, and enough wine that we could drink a different bottle every day for the rest of our lives and still not run out.” 

Still rambling, Merlin missed the fond grin Gwen sent him, still leading the way through the impossibly complex maze of hallways to find their stateroom. 

“We’re going to have to sell an awful lot of drawings for that,” Gwen stated, interrupting Merlin’s picturesque description of the massive library their home would have. 

Merlin looked over sheepishly, before refocusing his efforts on their elusive stateroom. “Or just a couple of ones to the right people,” he muttered, ears flaring red. 

Gwen squeezed his hand again, feeling a pang of guilt at how embarrassed Merlin seemed. “If anyone can do it, it’s you,” she reassured him. “Your drawings are going to go in a museum someday,” she said, nudging her elbow at the bag slung against his back containing a few pairs of clothes and Merlin’s sketchbook. Merlin gave a small smile in return and continued his focus on the mazelike hallways. 

Eventually, Merlin let out a shout of excitement and yanked the two to a stop in front of a room with a shiny G-60. “Are you ready?” Merlin asked, before yanking the door open. 

The room only had a set of bunk beds and enough room to navigate to and from the door, but for Merlin and Gwen, who had spent the past few weeks sleeping in turns on benches and various couches, the promise of a guaranteed bed was enough to have the two cheering. Gwen threw her bag on the top bed, already claiming the upper one. Merlin followed suit on the bottom bed, before tossing his own body on top of it. 

“I’m going to sleep for days,” he announced, flinging his arm over his eyes in an attempt to block out the dim light filtering in from the porthole.

“You’re going to miss dinner if you take a nap now,” Gwen pointed out, moving around their cramped room. Merlin heard her digging around in her bag, before sitting down on the bed next to him, her weight heavy against him. 

“I’d rather sleep,” he muttered, feeling the slight sway of the boat making him even more tired. Gwen was silent for a moment, and Merlin was almost asleep. 

“I’ll see if I can sneak something back for you,” Gwen announced with a pat to his leg and lifted herself off the bed. 

Merlin must have fallen asleep immediately after that. He didn’t remember hearing her leave their room, but when he opened his eyes again she was gone. Glancing out the window, he could tell it was much later, almost dusk if the darkening sky was anything to go by. He got out of bed, stretching and consequently hitting his arms hard against the ceiling. Deciding that it was too late to go to dinner, Merlin readied himself for a walk instead; It would be a good chance to explore the ship with not many people around. 

Wandering back up from their room, trying to remember the path he had taken earlier with Gwen, he was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of rooms they passed: All of these people, crammed onto one ship and headed to America. 

Outside was much chillier than Merlin had expected and he tugged his shirt closer, trying to keep what little warmth he had from escaping. He glanced around, looking for a place to stand out of the way. While he was looking, a tall figure hurriedly ran by, jostling him from where he stood in the middle of the deck. Although he didn’t get a good look at the individual, he could see a streak of blonde hair accompanied by a face filled with genuine anguish. Slightly concerned with how upset the person appeared to be, Merlin set off in a slight jog after the rapidly disappearing individual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!! I have the next chapter mostly written so there should be another chapter up within the next couple of days! If you liked it, feel free to leave kudos/comments--Thanks!


	3. Arthur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry this took a little longer to get up than I said it would but here's the promised chapter 3! Big trigger/content warnings in the chapter for suicidal thoughts and a suicide attempt as well as for homophobia (mostly internalized). There are also some mentions of food. If you liked this chapter leave a kudos/comment below!

Arthur arrived at the dining room with a fresh dress shirt and Morgana clutching firmly to his arm. Wearing a deep green dress that brought out her brilliant eyes, Arthur found himself smiling at just how beautiful his sister was. During the last few weeks, Arthur had avoided his father like the plague, afraid of the anger that had reared its ugly head that fateful night. As a result, he had spent any free time not spent packing or finishing up work for both him and a now-fired Lancelot with Morgana. 

Arthur still wasn’t sure if Morgana even fully knew what had happened the night she stepped in to protect him. Every so often a small flicker of fear lit in his stomach as he considered if she still would have protected him if she really knew what he had done? While his father had shouted about sin and shame upon the family, Arthur knew he hadn’t put to words what Arthur had done, too afraid others would hear what had happened. _So did Morgana even know_ , his mind asked constantly, replaying that question over and over. 

He glanced back at his caring sister and remembered the kind words she had spoken to him throughout this whole ordeal. Promises that Uther would come around and that he was only worried about his business, which had earlier been a comfort to Arthur now filled his veins with ice-cold dread: she just assumed the fight had been work-related. If Morgana found out about him and Lancelot, surely she would take Uther’s side. _After all,_ Arthur thought, legs shaking as they finally arrived at their table, _maybe Uther is right._

His father was already seated and rose when the two arrived. “I trust you are settled in?” he asked, attention already drawn back to the menu before him. Arthur nodded, listening as Morgana began speaking to Uther, but his mind still far away. He scanned through the menu, trying to make sense of the food before him. 

Arthur felt a presence step next to him and instantly became more alert. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw a waiter dressed in a velvety black suit standing at their table. Arthur traced the man’s sturdy frame up to a handsome face composed of a strong jawline and piercing eyes. The man's curtain of brown hair fell partially in his face, and Arthur watched in awe as the waiter tucked it behind his ear. He felt himself staring and jerked his head back down to the menu, already feeling his cheeks grow warm. His heart was continuously pounding from the split-second view of the man and Arthur internally cursed. This couldn’t be happening now, not in front of his father. 

“And for you, sir?” the waiter asked, reaching behind Arthur to grab the menu Morgana politely offered. On the way, the man’s hand brushed against Arthur’s shoulder and the same desire that had been burning a hole in his stomach the night he kissed Lancelot reappeared. Arthur felt his face flush deeper in shame and cleared his throat. 

“I-I’ll have what she’s having,” he stuttered, stiffening in his chair and focusing his gaze intently on the table in front of him. Arthur slowed his breathing, feeling his heart pounding against his chest at a breakneck speed. He needed to calm down and he needed to do it quickly before his father saw just how worked up he was. The waiter was only at their table for another few seconds, and if he said anything else it was lost to Arthur as he tried to maintain composure. Even though the man was no longer present, Arthur still felt the weight of the hand on his back, matching the sinking weight growing in his stomach. Abruptly, Arthur stood from the table, mumbling a hurried “I just need some air” to his father and Morgana’s concerned glances. 

Hightailing it out of the dining room, Arthur felt his chest constrict. Practically gasping for air, he made a beeline through the hallway, desperate to get onto the deck to clear his head. He had a new future, a new life that he was headed for, and he could not afford to have these feelings now. 

Panic spiraling throughout his mind, Arthur subconsciously felt himself bump into someone, but he pressed forward. Within a minute, he was back at the railing he had been standing at nearly two hours ago, watching the mob of people wave goodbye. With a jolt, Arthur remembered refusing to look as they departed, wanting desperately to see Lancelot’s arm raised amongst the crowd. 

He remembered, stomach dropping to the floor, that same feeling he got when he was with Lancelot, when he had looked at the waiter, when certain friends would catch his eye growing up and he would suddenly feign disinterest, costing dozens of friendships. _It wasn’t just with Lancelot_ , Arthur realized, numbness more than anything setting in, _I’m going to continue to feel this attraction that I shouldn’t feel forever. Even if I marry Vivian, nothing is going to change._

Although the dread was still coursing through Arthur’s veins, a desensitizing feeling of resolution swept over Arthur. Even if he did everything he could to make his father happy, to maintain his family’s reputation, it still wasn’t going to be enough; he wasn’t going to be enough. 

Arthur peered over the boat, looking into the water below him as the waves crashed against the lower decks. It would be a long fall, and the current would surely propel him far into the water, but his body would be lost at sea, with no way to prove it had been anything but an accident. He was already climbing over the railing, fingers nearly frozen from the cold air chill and entire body shaking with adrenaline. Arthur had made up his mind the second he had started crawling over: this was what he had to do. It was the only way to protect his family. He started a quiet countdown in his head, feeling a pang of regret at the thought of not being able to say goodbye to Morgana, but steadied himself on the edge. All it would take is a jump and everything would be over. 

Fingers so cold they were nearly frozen to the metal he grasped tightly onto, Arthur breathed one last deep breath of salty air. 

“Wait!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter!! I hope everyone is staying safe and taking care of themselves and those around them that need it! The next chapter might take a little longer to get up than in the past, but it is coming! I appreciate each and every one of you :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Drop a kudos/comment if you liked it:) I don't have a set updating schedule, but another chapter should be up this coming week so stay tuned!


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